Strength

I was at work the other day, and I found myself questioning my strength. Following a long day of labor, in which I spent 8 or so hours in the Florida sun, I proceeded to eat, shower, change, and go to the gym. I bumped into someone I know, upon my arrival, and was questioned about my day. I explained the job that we worked on, and skimmed through our list of required tasks. Through his twisted brow, I could sense his mind was in great wonder. He then asked me how I "even have the strength to be in here". I responded with a blank stare; attempting to conjure up some witty response, like how I have some sort of supernatural ability (which, for curiosity purposes, I do NOT have). Needless to say, I made it through the workout with ease, and with a high level of strength.

But I was left with something other than a good workout. I was left with a complex thought and perception of myself. The topic? Strength.

When I think about the word strength, several types of strength come to mind; mental, spiritual, and of course physical strength. [Yes, for some reason, many thoughts of mine tend to come in threes. Which I have deemed as unintentional, yet there may be a psychological meaning behind it (lucky number 3?).] As with most of my complex thoughts, I allow myself the time to think about, and analyze them. As a result, I have come up with interesting conclusions and discoveries; which relate to my life, but strength as a whole, as well.

Mental strength

I would define mental strength as the capacity that ones brain can be functioning at its highest rate, reaching its greatest capability. Well that's a mouthful! And it sounds like a Webster's definition. No, I did not look up the definition (if a documented definition even exists). What I have defined mental strength as, is actually very simple and easy to understand. I believe that everyone has different mental capabilities. Everyone's brain varies, giving people different abilities. The abilities are usually measured in some sort of intellect or intelligence. That being said, I do not believe that mental strength can solely be measured by intellect and intelligence. Yes, I believe that they play a great part in ones mental strength and capacity, but I do not believe that they are the sole variables in the measurement of strength. Questions arise: What about sanity? What about the fluctuation of emotions? What about being able to suppress feelings, in order to complete different tasks in life? What about the actual ability to be able to complete the said task? And wait a minute, how does this relate to me again? I measure my mental strength by three different things: 1. My emotions 2. My intelligence 3. My ability to survive. Emotions are mental. They develop in the brain, and influence the nervous system of the body (which begins in the brain anyway). Intelligence in developed in the brain as well. Different parts of the brain work together, with the result being some sort of intelligence. My ability to survive, I would give the title as 'natural instincts'. These may be genetic, developmental, influential, or a combination of the three. Either way, it is in my brain, which these 'instincts' come from, enabling me with survival. With the perfection of these three variables, working to their greatest ability, my mental strength is at its greatest capability.

Spiritual strength

I would define spiritual strength as the greatest relationship one has with God. That being said, it is not an easy task to define spiritual strength. Over the past couple of years, I have been in a great focus on my spirituality. I have come a long way to have the ability to EVEN define spiritual strength! Although I may be able to give a definition of spiritual strength today, I know that I would not have been able to, even as recently as a year ago. With that, measuring spiritual strength is an even harder task. I believe that everyone's faith has a variability to it. In other words, everyone's relationship with God is different (yes, choosing not to believe in God is still a relationship with God...just ignoring Him. Catch my drift?). I live my life with a Christian faith and Christian beliefs. Therefore, I believe that my spiritual strength is measured by my relationship with God, and mainly with Jesus. How have I grown to learn this? It has become more and more evident, as I dig into my spirituality, that a relationship with Christ is the most important thing in life. How can I back up this statement? In the old testament of the bible, it is centrally focused on having a relationship with God. As the new testament is written, the focus shifts. The focus does not go away from God, but it gives us a new focus, making it easier to reach God (Jesus). Having a relationship with Him is of utmost importance in order to strive to be spiritually in line, with the one whom spirituality came from. How do I perfect this strength? Or how do I become stronger in this relationship? Well, the bible talks about having to live by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7). I think that the faith and the belief in God, through Christ, is how we reach the greatest spiritual strength. Several things can assist in the achievement of this greater relationship in spiritual strength: prayer, reading His word (the bible), and living as Jesus did (although a very general statement, I believe there are certain things that we should and should not be doing that coordinate with how Jesus lived His life). If these three are done to their greatest ability, then the greatest spiritual strength can and will be reached.

Physical strength

This one everyone should know. It's too easy right? Let me take a stab at it. Physical strength can be defined as the ability to perform tasks to their greatest physical capability. And how would physical strength be measured? People have different ways of measuring physical strength. Most would ask someone who goes to the gym, "how much do you bench?". I find it sickening that people can use one task, and base a measurement of strength on how that ONE task is performed. This applies to all aspects of physical strength, not just for the gym rats. I think physical strength is also measured by stamina. We have a certain level that we can perform at our greatest physical exertion. It is then, that one has reached their  greatest physical stamina. Is that the only barometer for measuring physical strength? No. I believe that the ability to move things plays into physical strength as well. To measure that, ones muscularity would have to be measured. But muscle structure does not define strength. Muscle is built as a result of recovering from tearing the muscle in the first place. The obvious seems true, that the larger muscle mass, the stronger the person. That may be true in certain aspects, but what ever happened to the expression, "it's not the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog"!? So how would I define the measurement of my physical strength? I would define it as the greatest ability to continuously perform the task at hand (very similar to my original definition). I believe that it isn't just the ability to lift or move things, it is also the ability to move or lift those things necessary to complete a task, over the given period it takes to carry it out (no pun intended).

Although I have been able to associate a definition, and a broad way of measuring [or not measuring] three different strengths, I have come to a grave conclusion. The greatest strength cannot be measured...at all! I believe that strength in certain things can be measured, but I find it impossible to clearly define how great ones strength truly is. Why? Well, what do we have to measure against ones strength? Yes, we can use specific tests and intricate devices, but what is it measuring strength to...a formulated mean or average? That doesn't help in measuring strength, because simply measuring apples to apples doesn't show ones will, drive, or resolve. There is another aspect that is immeasurable. The "it" factor, I suppose they call it. Allow me to translate it into layman's terms. We are all given different genes. With the genes, we have different abilities. Different strengths in different aspects. All which is immeasurable because we are forever developing and learning. With development comes an alteration in traits. With the alteration in traits, comes a change in strength(s). I assume the goal is to grow to develop the greatest all around strength in all aspects, which today, I deem as impossible to achieve within ones lifetime.

But hey, you tell me...

Scratch

the last post about me being done and all.  I have too much to write to keep it in.  Welcome back to me.

In the meantime, I created another blog. It's more of a poetry type blog, to express momentary snippets of thought.

http://whywouldispeak.blogspot.com/

In The Moment

My final blog post:
I have deleted the things I have written, two times now.  Every time I sit down to continue the writing, I read what I have written, and become a little bit disappointed in myself.  I can't express my feelings correctly.  Maybe I need to go find some more friends.  Maybe I need to pick up another hobby or two.  Or maybe I just need to go to God more.  I go to Him, daily.  I go to Him, whenever I have a chance.  Maybe that's the problem.  I should probably be allowing Him every moment of time in my life, and putting everything else to "chance".  I have learned that I can't trust anyone, fully anymore.  My life seems to be somewhat of a train wreck.  When things seem to be going right...when God is SO prevalent in my life...when I am FINALLY heading in the right direction...something happens.  This time, I happened to lose someone.  I promised myself, that I wouldn't make a stink about it...that I wouldn't make my feelings public.  Some things cannot be helped, I suppose.  I have lost a girlfriend, a friend...a best friend.  My go to person is gone.  No, not to some horrible death, or move...but I suppose a moving of sorts anyway.  I have come to the conclusion that there is only one true relationship that anyone can get anything out of.  That is the relationship between a person, and God.  Every other relationship falls down from there.  It's a trickle down effect, you can say.  Perhaps, the best way to describe it, is by making a list of priorities.  If you are true to yourself, it becomes clear that the list is WAY out of order.  God should ALWAYS be at the top.  From there, everyone/everything else falls in line.  If not for a relationship with God, none of the other relationships can be successful.  This is not a declaration/suggestion to run from being involved with anyone or in any relationship.  This is simply saying that all things should be built, with God as the foundation of all.  Relationships are necessary, I believe, to satisfy one's physiological need of intimacy/connectedness.  I also believe that relationships are made to help encourage growth.  Growth in ourselves, and most importantly, with God.  I have grown a lot in the past year, and I am proud to say that I had someone very special to me, providing help.  I can also say that I don't feel like I am better on my own.  I KNOW I have God.  I will ALWAYS have Him.  But when someone helps you to come to know Him better, daily, it is just a crush to lose them.  Authentic love is non conditional.  Inauthentic love is clearly conditional.  I am learning how to achieve agape.  Not for someone else, but for the only relationship that ACTUALLY counts.  God isn't going to walk out on me.  God isn't going to give up on me.  God isn't going to say that I/our relationship is unfixable.  God is authentic, and everything/everyone else trickles on down from there.

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains


Your love never fails
it never gives up
it never runs out on me


On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains


In death and in life
I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid
There's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love


Thanks for reading

Saved

From the day that I met you
I knew this was it;
we were meant to be
you and me

you knew who I was

you followed me 

you stalked me

you scared me

we went out all the time

even held hands in public

merrily we strolled

you and me

you watched me as I walked

you always gave me strange looks

you judged me the harshest

you scared me

one day we were hanging out

when I became sick

you weren't there to help me

you scare me

From the day that I met you

I knew this was it;

we were meant to be

you and me

you know who I am

you follow me 

you stalk me

you scare me

we go out all the time

even hold hands in public

merrily we stroll

you and me

you watch me as I walk

you always give me strange looks

you judge me the harshest

you scare me

everyday we hang out 

I never grow sick

you are always there to help me

you and me

you never give up

you nip at my heels

I will not give in

you scare me

you saved me from what I was

broken down and forgotten

you made me a better person

showing me the light in the darkness

eternal life is what you promised

but you could never come through

my soul is what you wanted

but I will never sell it to you

you promise me good things

and satisfy my soul

I have been granted eternal life

my past has been wiped clean

you can't hold me down

Letter From Birmingham Jail

This was printed on the cover of the church's bulletin this morning:

There was a time when the church was very powerful -- in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey Gad rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests.

This is an excerpt from a letter that Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote, while he was serving time in a Birmingham, Alabama jail.  It is dated April 16, 1963.  

The entirety of the letter is here:

http://coursesa.matrix.msu.edu/~hst306/documents/letter.html

I firmly believe that Martin Luther King, Jr. wasn't targeted because he was a black man, with the intent to free his people from racist oppression.  I believe that Martin Luther King, Jr. was sought out to be stopped because he was an individual attempting to start a movement.  His words are Christ centered. He simply was crying out for support and help.  God doesn't say we can do it alone.  We need God's strength to band together, as brothers...as one unit, to help free ourselves.  God made us all free.  It is our own self, that causes us to be enslaved, with the sin of this world.  I challenge you to read this letter, and just like Martin Luther King, Jr. did, fight for your freedom...under God.  

Be free

What Does It Mean? Pt. 2

I sit in The Blue Note Jazz Club.  Music fills my ears, as thoughts flood my mind.  I take a long blink, as though I have just woken up.  Much to my surprise, when I open my eyes, I am still there.  It feels like a dream to me.  To be in New York City, all the way from Florida.  Thoughts run wild.  It's incredible how advanced technology is.  It's great how I can just hop in a plane and be a thousand miles away, in a couple of hours.

I had decided to talk to her parents about it.  I was nervous at the time.  I doubted they would ever say yes, although there was a slight possibility that they would.  I relied heavily on the fact that I was asking about four months in advance.  So, I sent an email.

Four months later, we were boarding a plane (my girlfriend and I).  We were headed to New York City for the new year.  It was her first time seeing the city, and my first time during the winter season.  

Chris Botti spoke into the microphone, "Does everybody have champagne?"  After a resounding response of, YES, he continued,  "raise your glasses in the air, as we count down to the new year..."

You know, I never could quite understand the idea behind celebrating a new year.  Was it used as an excuse to party and celebrate.  What about the new year do we celebrate?  Is it the cliche saying, 'new year, new me'?  And what does champagne have to do with it?  Who invented that bubbly stuff anyway!?  

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"  Another year gone by, another year here, I thought to myself.  All I wanted was to hear the music anyway.  You know, I don't mean to be so cynical.  I suppose I have some things that I could look back on and be happy about.  But I don't get why people write down a list of this that they need to improve.  What are these things, resolutions?  Intentions to better yourself somehow?  Maybe in a way that was lacking from the past year?  I have never made one of these lists, you know.  I would always fake it when I was younger, in an attempt to merely please my parent's request.  Lost in thought, I hear the finale, and the show is over.  I have to muster up some good speech to deliver, about the new year, and the resolutions that entail, once we reach the hotel. 

To my surprise, the subject was only grazed over.  Working out to my benefit, I thought.  

I lie in bed, with my head facing the ceiling.  My girlfriend is fast asleep, nestled into my body.  I hear her heavy breathing, as I attempt to rid my mind of these twisted thoughts.  I can't understand why I am trying to write my wrongs for the year in my head, laying in a hotel bed.  For crying out loud!!  Maybe the weight of them has just become too heavy.  Maybe I need to tell someone what I am feeling.  But wait, if I do that, then I am immediately vulnerable.  I will look weak, and in dire need of help.  Eh, maybe I'll just blog about it.

You know, there were a few things going through my mind that night, none of which has been previously discussed  with anyone, until now.  I suppose the thoughts, and my attempt to correct them, have become my 'resolutions'.  I should probably start with my most embarrassing, risque thought, then work backwards.

I have had a problem.  I couldn't help myself really.  I feel like it was almost uncontrollable.  I felt helpless.  Even though I was able to recognize the problem, and the issue, I wasn't able to fully conquer it.  I would go days, weeks (which is much improvement) without it.  I had an addiction.  To what, you might ask?  Masterbating.  This is touchy enough of a subject for all of us.  Whether open about it, or joking about it, there is always an odd vibe after a conversation where this is the topic.  It became a problem for me from the get go.  It then turned into a habit.  Following that, it became more.  I became addicted to other things.  Pornography and seeking other ways to further please myself.  Just this past year, I made a goal.  Rather, I made a point to stop my habit.  I decided the best way would be to eliminate the things that led to the actual act itself.  I took away the porn and I took away being creative.  Now it was up to me to just control myself, with myself, and stop.  I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is (no pun intended..ugh) to hold something back, when it had such a huge impact on your life.  But when I thought about it, it was simple.  It HAD to stop!!  I sit here writing this blog, confidently telling you that I have conquered this.  Do I still have thoughts, and urges?  Yes, I am a human being.  But what I know, is that I am done.  Although, I know that I did not do this alone.  Which is a perfect segue into my next thought [or resolution].

I made it a goal to love on God more.  To reach a point where I come to the fork in the road, and always choose God.  But wait, Matt, I thought you were already a Christian?  Indeed, I am a Christian.  But I challenge those to define what a Christian is.  I have done this here in my blogs before.  Here, I just want to be more than the church goer.  I want to be more than the typical tither.  I want to be the guy that is following Jesus so closely, that I am riding bumper to bumper.  [I'm tired of chasing His shadow].  I want to change the world (don't get that twisted...I do NOT want to rule the world).  I want people to look at me, and see something different.  I was at my church's study on Wednesday night.  They call it, 'huddle time'.  It is a time where the high school students are invited to gather at church.  There is usually a message, and some fellowship.  The basic message that gets repeated over and over again is simple: show that you are different.  To add to that, the students are told to be more like Jesus (which, if you break it down, is exactly being different than everybody else).  The questions then arise; What does it mean to be like Jesus?  What does being a Christian look like?  It was this past Wednesday, when one of the high schoolers put it into simple terms, and into a great perspective: Jesus shines.  At first glance to any Christian, this is a no brainer.  But to a believer; one who truly believes in God, and what He did/does for us; this is HUGE!!  I have heard Bible verses on it before.  The light...Jesus...be like Him; but it never sunk in like it did the other night.  In my struggle to show how I am trying daily to be like Jesus, two words that a 15 year old girl said hit home.  

Jesus shines.

What Does It Mean? Pt. 1

Firstly, I would like to apologize for my lack of entries, as of late.  It has been a rigorous and busy past six weeks [or so] for me!  I had to turn in my leased car and get a new one.  Then a week later, wrap up the school semester.  Followed by winter break, which included Christmas (and all of its associated events), Breakthru, and a vacation for New Years.  Although everything is true, those are roughly the WORST excuses.  I know that I had time to write an entry in there.  Instead, I decided to take notes in my phone, of things on my mind that I would like to share.  I apologize ahead of time for the choppiness of this entry so far.  I am a bit rusty, I suppose.  Bare with me.


Buy a Christmas tree, put it in the stand, decorate it, and stare at it.  Feel the frenzy as Christmas Day approaches; anticipation, causing frantic anxiety.  Purchase gifts, wrap them, place them under the tree, and wait.  Christmas Day arrives.  Open the much anticipated presents, eat, lounge around all day, and then it's all over.  What is Christmas about?  Is it the items we receive?  Is it the food we eat?  Is it the people we spend time with?  Is it the shopping?  Is it the Christmas Eve church service?  Or is it actually about Christ?  Yes, Jesus Christ.  You know, the baby in a manger?  Yeah, well, when we get all caught up in the gift giving, the eating, and our loved ones that we cherish during that time of year, we forget the most important thing.  It's interesting...people have gone so far as to look it up, and disprove that Jesus was even born on Christmas Day.  Then, now back to the crux of the issue, what is the purpose of celebrating the day?  Well, Christmas is divided into "Christ's Mass".  Therefore, meaning the celebration (mass) of Christ.


So, there I was, in traffic.  It was December 22nd, for goodness sake!!  I knew that was going to happen.  I should have done my shopping earlier.  I do the usual, traditional 'beat myself up about it' rendition, as I found myself stuck at yet another red light.  That's when it hit me.  Why are we buying gifts for each other!?  Has tradition grasped such a hold on us, that we can't help but continue to follow in it?  Am I suggesting that we stop the giving of gifts?  NO!  I am merely suggesting that we stop the absolute craze!  What bothers me, is the great intent to please so many people around ourselves.  The desire to give to those who have got.  Am I making any sense?  Maybe if we look at the numbers:


http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KGPDGPNX


Now how ridiculous does it sound?  The pastor at my church showed that during his sermon, two weeks before Christmas.  It made me want to do something.  It made me want to give my time.  It made me want to take action for those in need.  Sacrifice what I have, to give to others.  Isn't that the ENTIRE meaning of the Gospel!?!?  Isn't that EXACTLY what God did!?  Does the name Jesus Christ ring a bell??  Isn't that why we celebrate anyway!?  Where is the Christ in Christmas these days!?!?  Maybe I am a few weeks late on this, or maybe I'm right on time.  I was told, not too long ago, that it is never too late to act.  I firmly believe this.  I firmly believe that we are capable of many things.  It is just that we don't have the thought...rather, the desire to take the steps to do what is right!!


And guess what?  Santa Claus...yeah, He's real!  Think about it.  "You better watch out, you better not cry.  Better not pout, I'm telling you why.  Santa Claus is coming to town.  He's making a list, and checking it twice.  Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.  Santa Claus is coming to town.  He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake.  He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!  O!  You better watch out!  You better not cry!  Better not pout, I'm telling you why.  Santa Claus is coming to town.  Santa Claus is coming to town."  Do you know who Mr. Claus is made out to be?  Do you know what He represents?  It's God.  I had this revelation while singing this song a few weeks back.  Think about it.  He sees you when you're sleeping.  He knows when you're awake.  He knows if you've been bad or good.  Why, that sounds like Santa knows all!!  The very symbol of what Christmas is; the face of the holiday is a portly man, dressed in an outrageous, and vibrantly red, suit...played as a figurehead for God.  Do you see the commonality!?


The holiday has long passed, but there is still time to act!!  Don't get caught watching the hustle and bustle.  Be the person who changes CHRISTmas!!