Friday, July 18, 2014


I don't quite get people (myself included). I suppose as we go through life, we are assumed to learn more. The odd thing that I have found, is that I learn more about what I find I dislike, or find confusing, rather than what I like or would like to be a part of. I feel that I am in a constant state of crouching in the starting blocks of a race. Waiting for the gun to blow, I restlessly get more confused about this world, and what it "has to offer" for me. Is it partying? Drinking? Drugs? Sex? Games? ...entertainment of this world.

all of it...

And yet, people run to it, as if it is completely necessary for life, like water or food. We strive for human contact, physical contact, all feeding into a sort of reassurance and self-esteem booster. And we all act differently around different groups of people. Do you ever ask yourself, "who am I, REALLY!?" Because shockingly, I am nearly 100% sure that most people would not be able to answer that question! Or if they do, the answer is who they are, based on their job/career/education/family/or set of beliefs (or lack thereof). Those items are great references as to what you may do, or feel, but not who you are. See, because who you are is not determined by momentary fads or cool cliques that you may be a part of. It's not determined by how many friends you have, or how much money you make. Why not? Because that's what we are, by ASSOCIATION!! But instead, we should focus on our identity (who we REALLY are). And based on identity, we can then form associative things to do, places to work, etc. Will those things to do change, as we change? Yes. Will your identity change, as you learn more about yourself (and life)? Yes. But that's where I'm stuck!! I am trying to best position myself, and make sure that I am not being someone that I am not. I don't want to come off as fake (as most do), just to fit into a specific group of people. In the end, people don't matter anyway. They are the temporary satisfactions, relationships, and things that make us "happy".

Music, movies, parties, shows, etc. fill our lives with this idea of how life should be; with happiness. You know, something that we "NEED" to feel/have. But do we need to be happy, to live a great life? NO! Simply put, happiness is temporary. But YOLO...Live in the Moment...right? Go for it! Let me know what happens when you run out of "happy" things to do, that keep you occupied. And then what!? What happens when you can't find pleasure in what you do? There is a void. A large, gaping void. It's unavoidable, really. The only thing that can fill that void, is joy. As crazy as it may sound, joy is not something you get our of hanging with friends, going out, watching entertainment...NONE OF IT!! Those bring this idea of happiness. So we are now back to square one. Where does joy come from, and how the heck can I fill this void? Joy is found, when love is learned. And once we are filled with joy, we are overcome with an abundance of peace. Not one that helps to take our minds off of work, or other stresses, but a feeling that puts that all to rest with a joyful peace deep within our soul. And where does this "learned love" come from? From the Creator, God; the inventor, and owner of love. The same God that loves us more than we will ever know and more than we could ever love someone else. Check it out: Romans 8:18-39 & Deuteronomy 31:6. If that is what God provides, then why are so many people running from the truth (God)?

Because people are dumb. But wait! If God created us, and we are dumb, then is God dumb? No, don't be foolish! God made us with the ability to have free will. With that free will, we are able to decide what we would like to do, whenever we want to. That is dangerous! Remember those things that we do to be happy? Yeah, well they are FAR easier to fall into, and seek pleasure, than going to God [for joy, nonetheless]. But why would God make it that easy for us to fall? will. Check it! If God made it so easy to follow Him, we would all be monotonous robots without knowing if we even love God. Instead, He allows us to choose, while waiting for us to make the correct move (which essentially is to go to Him and trust that He will be the guide). So, what if we never run out of things to do that make us happy? Well, what happens when you die? Will you be "happy"? Good luck! All those "happy" things don't go with you, just thought I should add. Does that mean we shouldn't have human interaction, and go into hiding? NO! But it does mean that we should be careful and cautious as to how we interact with who we are with! Don't forget that we are all constant influences, whether we like it or not. We are always being seen by someone who could be a future employer, future friend, future boyfriend/girlfriend, or the exact opposite! Relax with the "exciting" life, and popularity. It all runs out. Instead, fill the void with God, not people. Show those people how great God is, how loving God is, and how much you would die for him [because I mean, He already died for you...]. 

If someone asked me, would you rather have life or God, it would be a no brainer. And maybe that doesn't make sense. But replace God with people, and ask about choosing life or people, and see how many people choose life.

James 1

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Socially Speaking

The mobile phone; the device created to make phone calls between people, without having to be at home. It was developed, created, and demonstrated in 1973, by Motorola. It weighed only a mere 2.2 pounds, with a range of service that would be viewed today as short [at best]. In 1979, the first cellular hand held (such foreign words these days) device was commercially available. The first mobile to mobile text (SMS) message was sent in 1993, advancing past the original purpose of a mobile phone.  In the last 20 years or so, the cell phone has become more than a mode of basic conversation; it has become the vast majority of peoples’ lives.

The smartphone era. The smartphone generation. I suppose the generation is part of the well-known “Generation Y”. It is a group of introspective, technology and thrill seeking; self consumed “Millennials”, born within the year range of 1980-2000. Oddly enough, that is the same general time period in which cell phones had been made commercially available, and advanced past a basic verbal communication device. 

Do I have a cell phone? YES

Do I have applications and social media on it? YES

Now, though, I would rather not have any of it. It complicates life, exposes too much, and lessens the actual in person interaction between human beings. Granted, I am sure I sound like an old school, old man right now, but cell phones are creating a diversion. Instead of assisting in communication, as it was once purposed for, they are ruining the line of communication. I have not been able to sit in a room with peers, without them getting on their phone at some (several) point(s). It’s a crutch for people. It’s a way to get away from their surroundings, and have their own time and space to themselves. But they aren’t having any sort of time alone. Every post, every like, every picture, every favorite, every retweet, is broadcasted for everyone to see. Cell phones have made it far too easy for social media to be accessed at any point of the day, from any location. 

Social media destroyed how everyday life used to be. Instead of having one on one face to face conversation, everything is out for everyone to see. 

Twitter=no more thoughts kept to yourself anymore

Facebook=no one has privacy anymore

Instagram=no one takes pictures for themselves anymore

Snapchat=no one takes pictures for an album or to give to anyone anymore

Maybe this will help:

Unfortunately, social media will continue to advance, and never reach a point of utter disgust for enough people to finally put down the phones and just live life. Moments in life will be ruined; relationships will be ruined. We are all becoming drones in this forever technologically advancing world. The applications that were once created to be used as an expression of self have become who we are. We live in our phones, and act according to how we describe ourselves in the ‘About Me’ section of each social media profile. We are becoming more social, without even speaking.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014


A domesticated animal has three main daily duties; eat, sleep, pee/poop. Animals also make noises, rub, pick, pester, poke, etc., all for attention. I wonder sometimes, do they enjoy their life? Whether they are put in a cage/tank or not, don't they have some feeling of being cooped up? The minute the leash is grabbed, the dog is jumping up and down, spinning in circles, and wagging its tail vigorously. And the animal hasn't even gotten to the door yet! Oh, and when food is brought out; even at the sound of the scooper going in, or the scent of the gooey mush, the animal loses it.

Humans, in contrast, have a larger brain, therefore more intelligence. As a result, humans are able to have a schedule. Humans plan their days, work harder, and travel faster than animals. That's actually not very different at all. Without technologies, and other industrial advancements, we would all be on a very equal plane. We would eat, sleep, and pee/poop, just like all the animals do. And in fact, animals [in the wild] have a schedule, and generally a plan (which may look vastly different then humans). Instinctual behaviors in animals that seem so unnatural [and downright annoying] to humans, are actually quite normal for animals. It is what helps them to survive. And when human instincts kick in, it is probably weird looking to the animals [and other humans as well].

In a way, humans have sort of domesticated themselves.

We have created schedules. We have created work. We have created stresses. We have created issues. We have created our own. And the most interesting thing is that we constantly follow in others' mistakes, as if humans will never learn their lesson on how life is and can be.

I feel cooped up.

I have read that our souls are yearning to be set free. I wonder how many people believe that. I wonder how many people feel that way. I wonder why we don't allow our souls to be set free. Is it that we are afraid of what may happen if we let go of our burdens? Is it that we are afraid of stepping out of our comfort zone? Is it that we are afraid to leave it in the hands of God?

Admittedly, I am tired. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel like I am battling myself in a terribly written movie plot. You know, one where I am running through a busy European city looking for something or someone, and I never seem to reach them; where there are constant turns along the way, leading to confusion and disorientation? Maybe I need some sleep. That could be what is causing these domesticated thoughts. It could also be that I just need time. Time to breathe, time to rest the mind, and time to refocus. I am weak. I can't do it alone. I need to revamp every so often. Meditate, rest, and relax.

I was never into superhero movies, nor animated series. As friends watched them, I never grasped a real connection and interest to them. They seemed to superficial and unrealistic to me. However, I always had an affinity for the character Wolverine, in X-Men. His ability to heal rapidly, intrigued me. I just wonder if his healing was internal and emotional as well, or if it was just on the surface physically. One can assume that it was merely a physical quick fix, due to his emotional outbursts about his late girl. The main reason behind allowing the Wolverine to heal physically, without the emotional healing is to press the ultimate message that a healing factor can’t fix emotional scars; they merely scab over, leaving them to be picked at and fester no matter how hardened of a killer one is.

Side note - The animal, a wolverine, is a smaller animal with great fight and power; known for having the ability to kill larger prey. It is very much a solitary animal that needs its own space. No amount of love and care would be able to domesticate such an animal.

If I could pick a super power, I would have the ability to manage my emotions better; the Wolverine of emotions. I am in no way out of control with my emotions, but I feel like I can let them get the best of me.

It is one hundred percent necessary for me to be calm, permit God to soften my heart, free my soul, and allow God to be my Wolverine.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014


Perfectionism is thought of as a type of mental illness. 

It is defined as a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. It is best conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree that there are many positive and negative aspects. In its maladaptive form, perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve an unattainable ideal, and their adaptive perfectionism can sometimes motivate them to reach their goals. In the end, they derive pleasure from doing so. When perfectionists do not reach their goals, they often fall into depression.

Natural human behavior would suggest that there is an innate desire to have things move in some sort of pattern or flow. Even those that are “free spirits” have a pattern or flow to their life. It is a form of perfectionism. We all have it; it’s just a matter as to what degree. It is a type of mechanism to ensure stability and positive mental health. Even when altering the mental process, the brain ceases to be committed to its prior function, and adapts to its new set of behaviors.

No one would believe this, even if it was said six months ago, but I do not want to leave Miami after I graduate and finish school, in June.

If there was someone documenting my life, they could accurately quote me entertaining the idea of moving to Australia, roughly one year ago. Not for vacation, mind you, but to start a life. On the surface, I was feeling adventurous, and seeking out a “cool” place to call my new home. Reality would tell the story differently; I needed to escape. After bouncing back and forth from my mother’s house and my father’s house, and having tiffs with each family, respectively, the desire to leave was the simple solution. As a result of not finding a career that fit the lack of experience and overall education I had, I decided to start a new life in Miami. I won’t get so much into the story of going back to school and all that, as I have touched on that before. 

This is different though.

I had the least expectations when arriving in Miami. I was nervous about school. I wanted to get in and get out. I wanted to move far away. But now, things are different. I have adapted to my new life down here. I have gained new friends, experienced different things, and I have a – well – sort of – talking to/dating/in a relationship with someone. So, I suppose it could be concluded that my desire to remain in Miami is a direct result of having someone. While that may be a BIG reason, it is more so part of a larger reason; I am finding my way, and establishing myself down here.
It was a long time coming, though.

I tend to create this imaginary way for myself, and assume that it will work. However, that generally does not work out the way I had intended. I preach patience and timing, but periodically fall short of living it out. Then I end up seeing everything come to fruition, right before my eyes, fitting like two puzzle pieces together. 

Timing is always perfect. I need to learn to be more patient, and let God have His way. “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;” (Psalm 37:7a).

That being said, I may or may not stay in Miami. It isn’t up to me, really. While I still have to apply to job positions and make connections, I do not want the full responsibility of finding my way to wherever the next step may be. The greatest part about it is that I don’t. I was reassured last week, when I was having a conversation with Stacey (yep, that’s her). She said to me, “You don’t have to worry about it RIGHT NOW…it’s not like you have to make a decision between two jobs that are outside of Miami.” She’s right. I suppose I am feeling some pressure from the idea of being done with school so soon.