Friday, June 14, 2013

Take a Dive

The other day I was at work, working on some mundane assignment given to me in order to keep the look of remaining busy. I decided to take a break and see what was going on around the gym, as the sales office tends to get boring as the late afternoon progresses into the evening hour. I stood in the door frame, pondering about the next step in life. I know I'll be out of there when I start school in the fall. 

Is that what I really want? 

I find myself enjoying comfort ability, mostly. I'm not as bad I used to be, or could be, but I still like the idea of knowing what could possibly happen as I take my next step (literally and metaphorically). And as I move on, there is a lot to think about. The dreaded idea of going back to school is one. See, I enjoy learning. I like the class atmosphere. There's just something about having a responsibility to do tasks that someone else gives to me, with the expectation that I'll deliver it to them as they have hoped and wished for. As I type that statement, I realize how ignorant that makes me sound. That is life. That is how life works. Even when we are the owner of the company, we still have to answer to someone. And I don't think I'm better than anyone or anything. I just believe that I am able to carry my own weight in life. 

I'm deviating. 

Fall will come, as will school, and the hope of an internship. All will be well and good, for this I am certain. 

I watch as children run away from their parents, and head for the front door of the facility. The first little girl slams into the door, but is far too light to pry it open on her own. She gets called back by her mother, and retreats. And almost as fast as the child is reared back to safety, her brother mimics her. Except for him, it's different. I, along with the three other people at the front desk, watch on as this child makes a bee line for the door. Right as he hits the door, I instinctually take off after him (I have seen it far too many times where the kid blows through the door. Normally the parent is close to them, but not this time). Next thing I know, I'm in the middle of the street with a young boy in my arms with a car stopped to my right, about ten feet away. I hand him off to his mother and walk back inside the gym. The people who are standing around the front desk make jokes about how I saved a life, and about how I'm a hero. I brush it off and go back into the office. 

I still can't get that moment out of my head. I panicked. I never panic. I left that in middle school, with the rest of my awkwardness. But I did. I couldn't help it. Was it a "fatherly" instinct? Was it just by coincidence? What if I wasn't there at that very moment? I can't help but wonder about these things, as I think about the child's safety that was at risk. It was almost as if it was an intentional testing of my faith. You see, lately I've been feeling like I need to do more. More things to display my beliefs, so people can see how I have been wonderfully blessed in my life. The problem that I have though, is drawing the line between hero and a follower of Christ. I don't like the word hero anyway. It makes me cringe at the idea that people can stick their chin out so far that they take credit for something, as to brag about it. I can admit that I have done it before, but I even despise myself for doing it as well. I didn't go after the kid because I was trying to be a hero. I went after the kid because that's what I was supposed to do. 

And am I supposed to go to school? I am unsure if there is an answer as of yet, but I have to trust that God has me on the path that will help me to be the best person that I can be. 

So yesterday I was working out in the gym, when one of my friends came up to me. I asked him what was going on, and was surprised by the answer. He told me that he was going skydiving tomorrow and needed someone to go with, and asked if I wanted to go. I've never been before, and didn't really think he'd event follow through on it. Low and behold, at around 1 pm today, I was standing on the edge of a plane doorway. With an instructor strapped to my back, and a harness around me, I took flight. I plunged to the earth at around 120 mph for a one minute free fall. And when it all slowed down, as the parachute was deployed, I was able to glance out into the land of the surrounding area. I noticed the incredible beauty that comes with the view from being so high off the ground, and felt peace. 

Life isn't alway like that, so peaceful and all, but I can't let that get me down. I have realized that in order to have peace, I have to be able to take life as it comes without getting myself all out of whack. 

As the instructor said to me, while dangling half out of the side of the plane, ready, set, GO!