Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Perhaps, A Realization

I am found sitting on the balcony, sipping lemon ginger tea (you should really try it at the end of the day...I swear by it!!).  I feel the cool ocean breeze blow through South Florida, as I take in the panoramic view of the horizon.  The thought arises in my head of where I am, how I have gotten here, and all that has come along with it.

Sunday, May 13th: Mother's Day.  After dinner, and our Mother's Day celebration, I gathered my clothes and various other important items, and packed up every bag that I had.  Before I left the house, I took a last glance at my room, analyzing it.  I wanted to make sure that I didn't forget anything, of course, but that wasn't only it.  I have been in that room since 1993 (a time before I can recall my first memory).  It was time to move on.

Wednesday, May 9th: I came home from work, showered, ate, and was relaxing before I went to the gym.  I was in the guest room, having a conversation with my mother about her day.  The tone of the conversation swiftly shifted, as she read an email from her brothers.  It was in regards to dealing with my grandmother's things, following her death.  Due to previous tiffs that she has had with them, I sensed an issue was on its way.  She turned to me and laid out her frustrations on me.  I heard her out, and tried to remain objective, as I encouraged her to see the issues from all sides of the coin, taking her brothers' opinions into consideration as well.  I was later blamed for the involvement of taking sides, and agreeing with her brothers, while going against her opinions.

Friday, May 4th: After work, I showered and drove quickly to my grandparents' (my father's parents) apartment.  Upon my arrival, I was offered the usual snacks before we went to dinner.  I politely declined, and suggested we make our way to dinner.  It was the last dinner we had together before they left to go back to New Jersey for the summer.  During dinner, which felt like a literal last supper, we talked a lot about the coming week, them leaving, etc.  By the time dinner had concluded, it was official, I was going to be making a move in my life sooner rather than later.

Saturday, April 28th:  I made my way to their apartment to have dinner with my grandparents.  This time, I got there a little earlier, and decided it appropriate to dine on their pre-dinner snacks.  After a quick "nosh", we left to the restaurant.  Over dinner, I updated them on the happenings in my life, and they strongly suggested that I take an opportunity that they had previously presented.  Questions ran through my mind.  How could I do it?  How could it be pulled off?  What would end up happening?  School?  Work?

Since I have moved away from home, I have noticed quite a bit about myself.  I would say that I am not the person that I used to be, but that is way too cliche for how I feel about it.  I just have a different feel about what I do, and how I act.  I can easily deduce that this is due to a new found independence.  When I first moved, I was a little bit distraught.  The location of my new place is farther away from work and my friends, than was my parents' house.  Therefore, when I leave in the morning, I have to be sure that I am prepared for the whole day (food, changes of clothes, etc.).  I must admit, the routine is down pat now.  I no longer have restless nights, wondering what I am going to bring with me, come morning time.  And, well, I am getting better at finally being on time for things (although, I am sure it looks like Fast and Furious is being filmed on the highway sometimes when I am driving).  Aside from the newly adopted preparations, I have added other things to my list: food shopping and maintaining a clean environment.  As I said above, the routine is finally on point!! 

I also have noticed a change in myself emotionally, mentally, and most definitely spiritually.  I see a "calmer" me.  Learning to balance school, work, and my own place, has left me to be more quiet and reserved (I suppose it is called "maturing").  Following calmer emotions, it is easy to assume that I have been more level headed and aware of things, mentally.  I believe this holds true for me because, when on my own, I feel it is better for me to be more observant and aware (part of the independence deal).  Due to the change in location, emotions, and mentality, I have grown stronger spiritually.  This year has dealt some interesting things in my life.  I would have to admit that 2012 has not been the best year up to this point, but that's okay.  I have learned to live with different things in my life (whether difficult or not), by building my trust in Jesus.

On another note, people have been very negatively vocal about it:
"That drive is so far"
"That sucks"
"Do you even see anyone anymore"
"Why did you move"

...why did I move? 

The realization hit me, as I felt the warm tea touch my tongue.

So I could the Sun rise every morning
So I could see the planes landing and taking off, everyday, right over my car
So I could gain necessary independence
So I could become more mature
So I could grow in my faith
So I could learn
So I could be responsible

...so I could be me