People

I don't quite get people (myself included). I suppose as we go through life, we are assumed to learn more. The odd thing that I have found, is that I learn more about what I find I dislike, or find confusing, rather than what I like or would like to be a part of. I feel that I am in a constant state of crouching in the starting blocks of a race. Waiting for the gun to blow, I restlessly get more confused about this world, and what it "has to offer" for me. Is it partying? Drinking? Drugs? Sex? Games? ...entertainment of this world.

pointless.

all of it...

POINTLESS!!!

And yet, people run to it, as if it is completely necessary for life, like water or food. We strive for human contact, physical contact, all feeding into a sort of reassurance and self-esteem booster. And we all act differently around different groups of people. Do you ever ask yourself, "who am I, REALLY!?" Because shockingly, I am nearly 100% sure that most people would not be able to answer that question! Or if they do, the answer is who they are, based on their job/career/education/family/or set of beliefs (or lack thereof). Those items are great references as to what you may do, or feel, but not who you are. See, because who you are is not determined by momentary fads or cool cliques that you may be a part of. It's not determined by how many friends you have, or how much money you make. Why not? Because that's what we are, by ASSOCIATION!! But instead, we should focus on our identity (who we REALLY are). And based on identity, we can then form associative things to do, places to work, etc. Will those things to do change, as we change? Yes. Will your identity change, as you learn more about yourself (and life)? Yes. But that's where I'm stuck!! I am trying to best position myself, and make sure that I am not being someone that I am not. I don't want to come off as fake (as most do), just to fit into a specific group of people. In the end, people don't matter anyway. They are the temporary satisfactions, relationships, and things that make us "happy".

Music, movies, parties, shows, etc. fill our lives with this idea of how life should be; with happiness. You know, something that we "NEED" to feel/have. But do we need to be happy, to live a great life? NO! Simply put, happiness is temporary. But YOLO...Live in the Moment...right? Go for it! Let me know what happens when you run out of "happy" things to do, that keep you occupied. And then what!? What happens when you can't find pleasure in what you do? There is a void. A large, gaping void. It's unavoidable, really. The only thing that can fill that void, is joy. As crazy as it may sound, joy is not something you get our of hanging with friends, going out, watching entertainment...NONE OF IT!! Those bring this idea of happiness. So we are now back to square one. Where does joy come from, and how the heck can I fill this void? Joy is found, when love is learned. And once we are filled with joy, we are overcome with an abundance of peace. Not one that helps to take our minds off of work, or other stresses, but a feeling that puts that all to rest with a joyful peace deep within our soul. And where does this "learned love" come from? From the Creator, God; the inventor, and owner of love. The same God that loves us more than we will ever know and more than we could ever love someone else. Check it out: Romans 8:18-39 & Deuteronomy 31:6. If that is what God provides, then why are so many people running from the truth (God)?

Because people are dumb. But wait! If God created us, and we are dumb, then is God dumb? No, don't be foolish! God made us with the ability to have free will. With that free will, we are able to decide what we would like to do, whenever we want to. That is dangerous! Remember those things that we do to be happy? Yeah, well they are FAR easier to fall into, and seek pleasure, than going to God [for joy, nonetheless]. But why would God make it that easy for us to fall? Um...free will. Check it! If God made it so easy to follow Him, we would all be monotonous robots without knowing if we even love God. Instead, He allows us to choose, while waiting for us to make the correct move (which essentially is to go to Him and trust that He will be the guide). So, what if we never run out of things to do that make us happy? Well, what happens when you die? Will you be "happy"? Good luck! All those "happy" things don't go with you, just thought I should add. Does that mean we shouldn't have human interaction, and go into hiding? NO! But it does mean that we should be careful and cautious as to how we interact with who we are with! Don't forget that we are all constant influences, whether we like it or not. We are always being seen by someone who could be a future employer, future friend, future boyfriend/girlfriend, or the exact opposite! Relax with the "exciting" life, and popularity. It all runs out. Instead, fill the void with God, not people. Show those people how great God is, how loving God is, and how much you would die for him [because I mean, He already died for you...]. 

If someone asked me, would you rather have life or God, it would be a no brainer. And maybe that doesn't make sense. But replace God with people, and ask about choosing life or people, and see how many people choose life.

James 1

Socially Speaking

The mobile phone; the device created to make phone calls between people, without having to be at home. It was developed, created, and demonstrated in 1973, by Motorola. It weighed only a mere 2.2 pounds, with a range of service that would be viewed today as short [at best]. In 1979, the first cellular hand held (such foreign words these days) device was commercially available. The first mobile to mobile text (SMS) message was sent in 1993, advancing past the original purpose of a mobile phone.  In the last 20 years or so, the cell phone has become more than a mode of basic conversation; it has become the vast majority of peoples’ lives.

The smartphone era. The smartphone generation. I suppose the generation is part of the well-known “Generation Y”. It is a group of introspective, technology and thrill seeking; self consumed “Millennials”, born within the year range of 1980-2000. Oddly enough, that is the same general time period in which cell phones had been made commercially available, and advanced past a basic verbal communication device. 

Do I have a cell phone? YES

Do I have applications and social media on it? YES

Now, though, I would rather not have any of it. It complicates life, exposes too much, and lessens the actual in person interaction between human beings. Granted, I am sure I sound like an old school, old man right now, but cell phones are creating a diversion. Instead of assisting in communication, as it was once purposed for, they are ruining the line of communication. I have not been able to sit in a room with peers, without them getting on their phone at some (several) point(s). It’s a crutch for people. It’s a way to get away from their surroundings, and have their own time and space to themselves. But they aren’t having any sort of time alone. Every post, every like, every picture, every favorite, every retweet, is broadcasted for everyone to see. Cell phones have made it far too easy for social media to be accessed at any point of the day, from any location. 

Social media destroyed how everyday life used to be. Instead of having one on one face to face conversation, everything is out for everyone to see. 

Twitter=no more thoughts kept to yourself anymore

Facebook=no one has privacy anymore

Instagram=no one takes pictures for themselves anymore

Snapchat=no one takes pictures for an album or to give to anyone anymore

Maybe this will help:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY

Unfortunately, social media will continue to advance, and never reach a point of utter disgust for enough people to finally put down the phones and just live life. Moments in life will be ruined; relationships will be ruined. We are all becoming drones in this forever technologically advancing world. The applications that were once created to be used as an expression of self have become who we are. We live in our phones, and act according to how we describe ourselves in the ‘About Me’ section of each social media profile. We are becoming more social, without even speaking.

Wolverine

A domesticated animal has three main daily duties; eat, sleep, pee/poop. Animals also make noises, rub, pick, pester, poke, etc., all for attention. I wonder sometimes, do they enjoy their life? Whether they are put in a cage/tank or not, don't they have some feeling of being cooped up? The minute the leash is grabbed, the dog is jumping up and down, spinning in circles, and wagging its tail vigorously. And the animal hasn't even gotten to the door yet! Oh, and when food is brought out; even at the sound of the scooper going in, or the scent of the gooey mush, the animal loses it.

Humans, in contrast, have a larger brain, therefore more intelligence. As a result, humans are able to have a schedule. Humans plan their days, work harder, and travel faster than animals. That's actually not very different at all. Without technologies, and other industrial advancements, we would all be on a very equal plane. We would eat, sleep, and pee/poop, just like all the animals do. And in fact, animals [in the wild] have a schedule, and generally a plan (which may look vastly different then humans). Instinctual behaviors in animals that seem so unnatural [and downright annoying] to humans, are actually quite normal for animals. It is what helps them to survive. And when human instincts kick in, it is probably weird looking to the animals [and other humans as well].

In a way, humans have sort of domesticated themselves.

We have created schedules. We have created work. We have created stresses. We have created issues. We have created our own. And the most interesting thing is that we constantly follow in others' mistakes, as if humans will never learn their lesson on how life is and can be.

I feel cooped up.

I have read that our souls are yearning to be set free. I wonder how many people believe that. I wonder how many people feel that way. I wonder why we don't allow our souls to be set free. Is it that we are afraid of what may happen if we let go of our burdens? Is it that we are afraid of stepping out of our comfort zone? Is it that we are afraid to leave it in the hands of God?

Admittedly, I am tired. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel like I am battling myself in a terribly written movie plot. You know, one where I am running through a busy European city looking for something or someone, and I never seem to reach them; where there are constant turns along the way, leading to confusion and disorientation? Maybe I need some sleep. That could be what is causing these domesticated thoughts. It could also be that I just need time. Time to breathe, time to rest the mind, and time to refocus. I am weak. I can't do it alone. I need to revamp every so often. Meditate, rest, and relax.

I was never into superhero movies, nor animated series. As friends watched them, I never grasped a real connection and interest to them. They seemed to superficial and unrealistic to me. However, I always had an affinity for the character Wolverine, in X-Men. His ability to heal rapidly, intrigued me. I just wonder if his healing was internal and emotional as well, or if it was just on the surface physically. One can assume that it was merely a physical quick fix, due to his emotional outbursts about his late girl. The main reason behind allowing the Wolverine to heal physically, without the emotional healing is to press the ultimate message that a healing factor can’t fix emotional scars; they merely scab over, leaving them to be picked at and fester no matter how hardened of a killer one is.

Side note - The animal, a wolverine, is a smaller animal with great fight and power; known for having the ability to kill larger prey. It is very much a solitary animal that needs its own space. No amount of love and care would be able to domesticate such an animal.

If I could pick a super power, I would have the ability to manage my emotions better; the Wolverine of emotions. I am in no way out of control with my emotions, but I feel like I can let them get the best of me.

It is one hundred percent necessary for me to be calm, permit God to soften my heart, free my soul, and allow God to be my Wolverine.

Sabali

Perfectionism is thought of as a type of mental illness. 

It is defined as a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. It is best conceptualized as a multidimensional characteristic, as psychologists agree that there are many positive and negative aspects. In its maladaptive form, perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve an unattainable ideal, and their adaptive perfectionism can sometimes motivate them to reach their goals. In the end, they derive pleasure from doing so. When perfectionists do not reach their goals, they often fall into depression.

Natural human behavior would suggest that there is an innate desire to have things move in some sort of pattern or flow. Even those that are “free spirits” have a pattern or flow to their life. It is a form of perfectionism. We all have it; it’s just a matter as to what degree. It is a type of mechanism to ensure stability and positive mental health. Even when altering the mental process, the brain ceases to be committed to its prior function, and adapts to its new set of behaviors.

No one would believe this, even if it was said six months ago, but I do not want to leave Miami after I graduate and finish school, in June.

If there was someone documenting my life, they could accurately quote me entertaining the idea of moving to Australia, roughly one year ago. Not for vacation, mind you, but to start a life. On the surface, I was feeling adventurous, and seeking out a “cool” place to call my new home. Reality would tell the story differently; I needed to escape. After bouncing back and forth from my mother’s house and my father’s house, and having tiffs with each family, respectively, the desire to leave was the simple solution. As a result of not finding a career that fit the lack of experience and overall education I had, I decided to start a new life in Miami. I won’t get so much into the story of going back to school and all that, as I have touched on that before. 

This is different though.

I had the least expectations when arriving in Miami. I was nervous about school. I wanted to get in and get out. I wanted to move far away. But now, things are different. I have adapted to my new life down here. I have gained new friends, experienced different things, and I have a – well – sort of – talking to/dating/in a relationship with someone. So, I suppose it could be concluded that my desire to remain in Miami is a direct result of having someone. While that may be a BIG reason, it is more so part of a larger reason; I am finding my way, and establishing myself down here.

It was a long time coming, though.

I tend to create this imaginary way for myself, and assume that it will work. However, that generally does not work out the way I had intended. I preach patience and timing, but periodically fall short of living it out. Then I end up seeing everything come to fruition, right before my eyes, fitting like two puzzle pieces together. 

Timing is always perfect. I need to learn to be more patient, and let God have His way. “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;” (Psalm 37:7a).

That being said, I may or may not stay in Miami. It isn’t up to me, really. While I still have to apply to job positions and make connections, I do not want the full responsibility of finding my way to wherever the next step may be. The greatest part about it is that I don’t. I was reassured last week, when I was having a conversation with Stacey (yep, that’s her). She said to me, “You don’t have to worry about it RIGHT NOW…it’s not like you have to make a decision between two jobs that are outside of Miami.” She’s right. I suppose I am feeling some pressure from the idea of being done with school so soon. 

Patience.

It's Been a While

The other night, as I left class, my eyes were drawn to the moon.  The little scoop of the crescent sat in the sky, as if it was hiding the rest of what the moon had to offer.  Just below the crescent point, there was a bright light.  I normally never look twice at a distant bright light in the sky, as it is normally just another airplane making its descent into the Miami International Airport.  This time though, my eyes were fixed on it.  Something about that light, the way it sat there, floating just below the scantily clad skinny moon, flirting with the sky.

The last four months have flown by.  I have had a lot of thoughts during that period of time, but with all of the stuff going on in my life, it was hard for me not to justify my inactivity on here.  Please bare with me, as I dissect my thoughts, and lay them out here.

During the summer, I felt like I was getting cold feet.  I received a call from my father, and it seemed urgent.  We spoke briefly about my future, mainly my choice to return to school to get my Master's.  He voiced his opinion, and expressed his concern.  He informed me that I should weigh my options, evaluate the costs, and understand the realistic value behind getting the degree.  Immediately becoming anxious, my mind began to race.  Questions circled; "Should I be doing this?" "Does it make sense?" "What will I do after I graduate?" "Is there any REAL value in getting a Master's in Sport Administration?" "Doesn't the University have enough pull?"  Then I received another phone call from a 305 area code.  The voice on the other end had great news.  A notification was being given to me, as I qualified and was accepted into the scholarship internship program at the university.  My confidence was lifted and I already committed to attend, but I was still in question of the choice to go.  Last August, as I packed my backpack for the final time in undergraduate school, a promise was made that I would never go back to school as long as I lived.  I love to learn, and am intrigued by a lot of things, but I suppose I get lost in the intimidation of what school brings to the table.  I am lost in thought, as my phone nearly vibrates off the counter.  I see several emails coming through, notifying me that the loan applied for has been approved.  As I pulled my socks onto my feet, I recognized that the feeling was being lifted.

It has been probably about 2 months now, but I was having these odd dreams.  I can't recall the entirety of any of them, but each one included a semi-familiar face.  My ex-girlfriend and I haven't spoken in about a year and a half.  Following some dumb decisions I had made, I can understand her distance.  That's the weird part of having her in my dreams though.  We haven't talked in a long while, and I haven't seen her in an even longer period of time.  I decided it was time to patch some things up.  A couple minutes, and a carefully composed email later, I clicked send.  It was merely an apologetic email, followed by well wishes.  What followed shocked me the most; I was ignored/blocked/de-friended on all social media platforms.  Oh, and I never received a response to the email that I am 100% sure was read.  You know, I have had plenty of talks with people about the issue of feelings that I have for her, but nothing has been resolved internally.  I have come to the realization that I made a mistake with how I handled the situation.  At the time I believed I was acting rationally (which is laughable now to me, because as I continued to see her best friend, I continued to think about how much I missed her, and how bad of a replacement her friend was).  But now it is different.  Maybe the 21 month period since we last spoke matured me.  I feel like I grow on a daily basis, but this sort of just came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face with wisdom.  I realized that I lost so much that spring, out of selfish gain.  Instead of looking out for the well-being of everyone involved in the situation, I acted out of impulse, and made an irrational decision.  So, here I sit, with little to no communication with her best friend, ZERO contact with her, or any of the friends I made while dating her, and just last month apologized to the youth pastor at the church, becoming friends again.

I was at work, chatting with a co-worker, when she brought up this phone application called Tinder.  I had never heard of it before, so she filled me in on what it was all about. "...it's a phone app that you swipe right or left, depending on if you like or dislike the person that is on the screen." TRUE. So, you swipe left and right, yes or no, based on what the person looks like, with minimal (at best) information about the person. Sounds about right. It seems to be like everything else in the present dating scene. Really minimal real contact, a lot of judgment passed, nothing known about the person, looking more for some sort of momentary sexual satisfaction. What does that solve though? Does it accomplish the mission to satisfy the desire of having companionship? NO! All these dating sites and dating apps are merely ways to easily hookup with people (I think that's stating the obvious).

So what it is that drives us to the idea that something could work with a random stranger?

The idea of having a girlfriend floats around in my head. Idea of having a girlfriend...who am I? I am similar to everyone else on this planet, I suppose. I desire to have human contact and human companionship. If I don't have it, I feel this emptiness/void. It doesn't make much sense to me, why I desire it so much. Is it what the media has created; this fairy-tale world of how relationships are supposed to be? I've had enough of it! It keeps my mind in this seesaw motion, between wanting a relationship, and not. I am torn between two worlds; one that desires to have pure companionship and relationships, and one that dismisses the idea that it is essential to life.

And then there's the void...

Void (n.): a completely empty space.

Fortunately, the void that I feel is filled, daily. I simply [sometimes] need a reminder of what I have in life. A reminder of how merciful God is, how graceful Jesus is, and how much my life has been impacted by people who are placed in it for the purpose of helping me to learn. And where does this girlfriend fit in my life? Somewhere, sometime, at some point in the future. I can't set the plan for myself and expect things to work out perfectly. I am not an expert manipulator (not even in my own life).

I just have to remind myself that if I am patient, the time will come eventually.

"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." -Albert Einstein

Identity Crisis

I was born into this earth knowing nothing; clueless to everything that was happening around me.  Like a child's baby doll, I was passed around from person to person; celebrating my birth.  I wonder how birth can be such a celebrated event.  Is it because it's the start to life?

I have heard that life is beautiful.  I can't deny that concept, but I question it.  Why would someone want to bring a life into this cruel world?  Because you know everyone has gone through something in their life.  Is the intention to bring joy to you and your family, while trying your best to ensure the child's perfect care [and livelihood]?  Thirty seconds into watching a news station, and that concept may seem too far out of reach to be possible.  So then what, we create life in order to fix ours?  Our marriages?  Our stress from work?  Did we not see how our parents did it?  I suppose the old adage, "learn from your mistakes" should apply here.  Or maybe one about continuing to do the same thing over and over again, because we [as humans] decide that we learn by example, regardless if any mistake was made. 

It's a sad thought, you know, being so complacent of what is going on around me, while subconsciously absorbing nearly all of it.  Researchers say that the period from birth to the age of three is when we develop most rapidly.  During that period, we are so susceptible to our surroundings.  We are a human sponge; "The human brain begins forming very early in prenatal life (just three weeks after conception), but in many ways, brain development is a lifelong project. That is because the same events that shape the brain during development are also responsible for storing information—new skills and memories—throughout life. The major difference between brain development in a child versus learning an adult is a matter of degree the brain is far more impressionable (neuroscientists use the term plastic) in early life than in maturity. This plasticity has both a positive and a negative side. On the positive side, it means that young children's brains are more open to learning and enriching influences. On the negative side, it also means that young children's brains are more vulnerable to developmental problems should their environment prove especially impoverished or un-nurturing."

There is definitely purpose to life.  People come together, and have a baby as a result of fornication, but we are all created by God.  That, I am a firm believer of.  That sole reason is why we have a purpose of life.  In that way, life is beautiful, because we are beautifully made.  It still doesn't explain to me why this world is so corrupt though.  If we go with the learn by example concept, then we find that we all become copy cats.  We conform to the world that is.  By doing that, we aren't the only one's that suffer the consequences.  Violence is contagious.  The interesting thing is that happiness is contagious as well.  If we step out, to be different from the norm, instill the lead by example notion, then we can change the world.

No, I am not a peace activist.  You won't see me nude, in the streets, picketing some free world garbage.  I just feel like people live life in such disposition to anyone that is different from them, and I struggle with the idea of how that could work.  And by different, I mean positively different from them; not the person who is overly joyed, hugging and kissing everyone (again, the street hippie vision in my head).  And then, as if it is part of the clockwork that is my life, I begin to think deeply into reasons why people have this predisposition of hatred towards others.  What was it?  You know, we are elastic from childbirth through the age of three...and after, we continue to absorb what we see and experience. Based on how the world is, one would assume that the majority of things people are subconsciously consuming have to be negative. And what benefit to us is that?  Gosh, I am talking in circles again.  I digress.

Tug of war was never my favorite game.  I never fully enjoyed the concept of pulling harder than someone on the other side, to cause them all to fall down.  Maybe because I was living that  life.  I was born to two confused people, raised under the wing of the parent who had "custody" of me, expected to make a way for myself.  As I grew up, I was exposed to a split family at its finest.  I went back and forth from parent to parent.  Each household had its own way of living, its own way of parenting.  My father is Jewish, my mother a Christian; my father liberal, my mother conservative; my father aggressive, my mother passive; my father sexually driven, my mother emotionally driven...    I was in a lifestyle out of the norm; I absorbed everything.

I suppose my parents were right though; I do have to make a way for myself.  Yeah, my parents know people, and have their connections, but that really doesn't help me right now.  I would say that they have done enough...or enough as they could/knew how to do.  I can also say that I do not have the best relationship with either parent.  I have part of my father's temper, and my mother's emotions.  I have split political views, and sometimes can't even find reason to care.  I was formerly sexually driven, then I came to understand the numbing feeling that it left for me.  See, in the moment, it is fantastic, but following that fantastic spec of time [as compared to my  existence] I am left with emptiness, and my future relationships have suffered the consequences of my past.  That is negative as well as positive.  See, the things that have happened in my past make me who I am today.  And I know that statement can be overused, but it's true.  I am the best me today that I can be, or at least try to be. 

The momentary satisfaction of the things in this world is what causes the corruption.  We all seek pleasure, but the things in which people find it are not the best.  The tendency to gravitate towards the social norm, is disturbing.  We naturally slide into the ebb and flow of society.  Even those who state that they never conform to society and are different, tend to be one in the same with everyone else.  People drink/do drugs/have sex because they are told it is the "thing to do".  Humans desire to have the acceptance of others, so fitting into the groove of the world is what they resort to. 

You know, I have found that I have a great memory.  I have the ability to remember exact events, verbatim, as if I was there at that very moment.  Some memories are good, and some memories are bad.  Everything that has entered my head remains somewhere deep within my subconscious.  At times I struggle to find who I actually am, as a person.  Maybe that is one of the results of being able to vividly mimic a large variety of different people that I have heard speak or have seen.  Amidst the laughter and jeers, my mind wanders in directions unknown to those on the outside.  The mask that is put on, in the form of the mocking of a celebrity or friend of mine, only covers up what I truly feel inside.  I am lost in this world, like a wandering sheep who doesn't belong.  Or maybe I am just not like other people.

We are all uniquely our own.

Take a Dive

The other day I was at work, working on some mundane assignment given to me in order to keep the look of remaining busy. I decided to take a break and see what was going on around the gym, as the sales office tends to get boring as the late afternoon progresses into the evening hour. I stood in the door frame, pondering about the next step in life. I know I'll be out of there when I start school in the fall. 

Is that what I really want? 

I find myself enjoying comfort ability, mostly. I'm not as bad I used to be, or could be, but I still like the idea of knowing what could possibly happen as I take my next step (literally and metaphorically). And as I move on, there is a lot to think about. The dreaded idea of going back to school is one. See, I enjoy learning. I like the class atmosphere. There's just something about having a responsibility to do tasks that someone else gives to me, with the expectation that I'll deliver it to them as they have hoped and wished for. As I type that statement, I realize how ignorant that makes me sound. That is life. That is how life works. Even when we are the owner of the company, we still have to answer to someone. And I don't think I'm better than anyone or anything. I just believe that I am able to carry my own weight in life. 

I'm deviating. 

Fall will come, as will school, and the hope of an internship. All will be well and good, for this I am certain. 

I watch as children run away from their parents, and head for the front door of the facility. The first little girl slams into the door, but is far too light to pry it open on her own. She gets called back by her mother, and retreats. And almost as fast as the child is reared back to safety, her brother mimics her. Except for him, it's different. I, along with the three other people at the front desk, watch on as this child makes a bee line for the door. Right as he hits the door, I instinctually take off after him (I have seen it far too many times where the kid blows through the door. Normally the parent is close to them, but not this time). Next thing I know, I'm in the middle of the street with a young boy in my arms with a car stopped to my right, about ten feet away. I hand him off to his mother and walk back inside the gym. The people who are standing around the front desk make jokes about how I saved a life, and about how I'm a hero. I brush it off and go back into the office. 

I still can't get that moment out of my head. I panicked. I never panic. I left that in middle school, with the rest of my awkwardness. But I did. I couldn't help it. Was it a "fatherly" instinct? Was it just by coincidence? What if I wasn't there at that very moment? I can't help but wonder about these things, as I think about the child's safety that was at risk. It was almost as if it was an intentional testing of my faith. You see, lately I've been feeling like I need to do more. More things to display my beliefs, so people can see how I have been wonderfully blessed in my life. The problem that I have though, is drawing the line between hero and a follower of Christ. I don't like the word hero anyway. It makes me cringe at the idea that people can stick their chin out so far that they take credit for something, as to brag about it. I can admit that I have done it before, but I even despise myself for doing it as well. I didn't go after the kid because I was trying to be a hero. I went after the kid because that's what I was supposed to do. 

And am I supposed to go to school? I am unsure if there is an answer as of yet, but I have to trust that God has me on the path that will help me to be the best person that I can be. 

So yesterday I was working out in the gym, when one of my friends came up to me. I asked him what was going on, and was surprised by the answer. He told me that he was going skydiving tomorrow and needed someone to go with, and asked if I wanted to go. I've never been before, and didn't really think he'd event follow through on it. Low and behold, at around 1 pm today, I was standing on the edge of a plane doorway. With an instructor strapped to my back, and a harness around me, I took flight. I plunged to the earth at around 120 mph for a one minute free fall. And when it all slowed down, as the parachute was deployed, I was able to glance out into the land of the surrounding area. I noticed the incredible beauty that comes with the view from being so high off the ground, and felt peace. 

Life isn't alway like that, so peaceful and all, but I can't let that get me down. I have realized that in order to have peace, I have to be able to take life as it comes without getting myself all out of whack. 

As the instructor said to me, while dangling half out of the side of the plane, ready, set, GO!